Do You Feel Out of Control When it Comes to Food?
You may find that your thoughts and fears about eating take up most of your day, your energy, and your time. Eating disorders are diverse and look different for everyone, however they have one thing in common: they shrink and steal your life away from you. This is certainly true for binge eating issues.
Binge Eating: You Are Not Alone
Many people have a fraught, even adversarial, relationship with food, and if this is true for you- I’m glad you’re here. Before I delve deeper, I want you to know that having trouble with food is not your fault. In fact, there probably have been times in your life when food has been a blessing, a friend, a source of pleasure, and perhaps it has even saved you in some way. Let’s begin this article with a quick moment of gratitude for all the good things food has done for you.
Who is to Blame?
I don’t blame you for struggling with food, even if you blame yourself. We all live in a culture that insists the dieting is the answer to the problems of life. You probably already know that this is simply false, but you may not know where to begin to help yourself end the destructive patterns of chronic dieting and weight fluctuation.
The reasons you have for needing food to cope are not your fault; and at the same time your healing is your responsibility. Healing from binge eating takes time and work, but recovery is absolutely possible, especially with the guidance and compassion of a trusted mental health professional.
5 Ways to Make Peace with Food
1. Don’t Go it Alone
Secrecy can shrink your life considerably, and steal your sense of connection with others. Most people who struggle with binge eating feel very isolated, as the feelings of shame can make it difficult to connect with loved ones. In fact, you may feel that you don’t deserve to be loved at all, thus further distancing you from the experience of intimacy.
Eating disorders do not typically spontaneously remit, meaning that they don’t go away on their own. You may need specialized, compassionate, confidential support from experienced clinicians. Specifically, a specialized team: a therapist and dietitian who collaborate with one another, is the general recommendation to work toward eating disorder recovery.
The ACED team wold be happy to help, or to give you referrals if needed. You can schedule a free 15-20 minute consultation here.
2. Practice Self-Compassion to Diminish Feelings of Shame
Because shame can be a strong link in the cycle of binge eating, it is important to address it on multiple levels. The two main sources of shame are typically about:
1. feelings about your body size and/or shape, and
2. the powerlessness and loss of control associated with binge eating.
I encourage you to pay attention to way you speak to yourself throughout your day. By noticing your patterns in self-talk, you are gaining invaluable information that we can use to empower you to be kinder to yourself, especially around food, eating, and body image.
Forgive yourself for being imperfect; you can tell yourself things like:
“I’m doing my best, and it’s enough.”
“I am having a hard time, and it’s ok to go to food if I need to. I’m working on this, and I won’t always have this problem.”
“I am entitled to food, regardless of my body size/shape.”
“My body is worthy of pleasure and respect exactly the way it is, right now. It protects me, holds me, and keeps me safe.”
“It’s ok to ignore other people’s ideas of what’s best for me- only I really know what that is.”
Trying to silence the bullying thoughts can be very challenging, particularly if you are accustomed to speaking to yourself this way. Please try to have compassion for yourself here as well. Sometimes, adding in some kinder thoughts (oftentimes these “kinder’” thoughts are simply rational thoughts) is a good place to start. By recognizing that you are only human, and that despite your perceived failings, you still deserve food, respect, and kindness.
Working with a trained, experienced therapist and dietitian can help you to learn new tools to improve body image resilience and nourishing self-care.
We’re here to help.
3. Consider the Idea that Dieting and Tracking May Harm You
Read more about binge eating here and here.
In short, by attempting to control what, when, and how much you eat, you inadvertently set off a biological and psychological chain reaction that can be profoundly counterproductive and even harmful. That’s because avoiding particular foods that you perceive as “bad” only makes them more powerful and alluring, and most people end up binging on those same forbidden foods. Furthermore, trying to control how much and/or when you eat creates a disconnect from your body’s hunger and fullness sensations. This could mean that you lose sense of when you are full, and become more likely to overeat, or conversely to not know when you are hungry, only to find yourself overeating because you are starving when you finally eat. For many people, dieting actually leads to weight gain, not weight loss.
When I say tracking, I mean keeping hyper-vigilant tabs on your weight, food, or exercise. Many of my clients over the years have expressed the shame, self-hatred, and feelings of failure that come with tracking. Commonly used as a method of control, tracking often does more harm than good, and implies that you are not to be trusted with your weight, your food, or your exercise. Oftentimes, this lack of self-trust is at the center of binge eating, poor body image, and compulsive exercise. Ask yourself: Is what I’m doing helping me or hurting me? If anything causes an erosion of self-esteem, or leads to bullying thoughts about yourself, it might be doing more harm than good.
If you can learn to listen to your body’s messages about hunger, fullness, cravings, fatigue and energy- you won’t need external rules to tell you what’s right for you, because you’ll already know.
4. Stop Judging Your Food Choices
This is a tricky one. Along the same lines of granting yourself compassion and forgiveness, you can lean in to your curiosity about your choices and actions, and begin to ask your body what it craves.
Because judgement breeds guilt, shame, and a sense of moral failing, my hope is that you will instead try to gently wonder about your hunger, fullness, the types of foods you are drawn toward, and what is going on in the moments preceding a binge episode. As you end your judgements about food choices, you will lessen the need for binges because:
There will be less painful feelings about yourself.
By seeing foods are more neutral rather that sinful/bad/fattening/evil, these same foods will have less power over you.
You can work toward giving yourself unconditional permission to eat what is desired when biologically hungry, and
You can find the freedom to satisfy your cravings in a friendly way- without bingeing- by trusting your body.
Food is a profound metaphor for life, and as learn more about your hunger (both physical and emotional hunger), you will learn more about your true self, and what you desire. With this empowering information, you can find freedom, peace, and satisfaction with food and body, and create a life that you can love.
5. Think of Your Body in New, Empowering Ways
Chances are that if you struggle with binge eating (or any eating disorder), you also struggle with body image. It’s nearly impossible to think of food without thinking of your body. Rather than focusing on your perceived imperfections, remember all the extraordinary things that your body does for you every day. It allows you to have experiences.
If you think about it, you cannot have an experience- whether it’s enjoying a sunset, hugging your dog or child, enjoying a cup of coffee, sleeping in, laughing with a friend- without your body.
All of your 5 senses are held within your physical self: you can see the wide smile on a friend’s face; you can smell cookies baking in the oven and you can taste the sweet flavors and soft textures; you can feel the embrace from a loved one; and you can hear the music of laughter. None of these things depend on how your body appears, or whether or not you have cellulite.
Self-consciousness (what you imagine others are thinking of you) can be a thief of joy and pleasure. Your body is literally and figuratively the pulse of your life.
Get Specialized Support
The ACED team is an inclusive group of specialized therapists and dietitians who can help you to heal so you can get back to living your life.
We’re here to help. Schedule your complimentary 15-20 minute phone consultation to find out if the ACED team could be a good fit for you. If you’re ready, we’ll match you with your dream team.
Legal disclaimer: The ACED team is comprised of mental health professionals licensed to practice in the state of Texas. Reading our blog does not create a therapist-client relationship between us. Our blog is designed for informational purposes only, and is not intended as a substitute for professional care. The contents of this blog should not be used to diagnose or treat illness of any kind, and before you rely on any information presented here you should consult with a trusted healthcare professional. If you are currently experiencing a mental health emergency please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.